


as long as she draws breath

by Aceisawesome



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, I love hilda a lot can you tell, Slightly Gory Imagery, character introspection, intentionally vague route, love claude a lot too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26110894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aceisawesome/pseuds/Aceisawesome
Summary: The day before the Empire reaches Derdriu, Hilda reflects on her choices in the coming battle.
Relationships: Hilda Valentine Goneril & Claude von Riegan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	as long as she draws breath

"Don't you die on me, Hilda," is what Claude says at the end of the war meeting, as everyone else files out of the council room and they're left alone, slouching a little now that the talking is over. Well, Claude starts slouching. Hilda has been doing so the entire time, practically sprawled out compared to all the tense nobles in the room.

She laughs in his face. A smile spreads through it, and he chuckles himself. The battle is afoot, the Empire army quickly approaching, and nerves are tightly strung for everyone. Getting the one person holding it all together to laugh is an achievement, one that Hilda takes a secret pride in. 

"Don't go thinking I'll die so easily, leader man!" she winks, and that draws another laugh from him. She lingers in the council room as Nardel comes to call Claude for something else that requires his attention, nods at his reminder to rest, and looks down at the map of Derdriu spread across the main table.

Their strategy is straightforward. Evacuate the city, station soldiers throughout the port, take advantage of their terrain to lay ambushes and trap their enemies. It won't be enough: the Empire army is large enough that any losses they take will pour right back in twice as numerous. 

Their resistance can only last so long unless reinforcements arrive, and Claude assures they will. Many had disputed him, but he remained resolute, and the nobles left at this point in the war were those that had stood by him; those that wanted to protect the Alliance rather than having it dissolved, once again a mere vassal of its larger neighbours.

Hilda's eyes draw to her own position: the pier leading to a high dais, usually where the portmasters direct the flow of trade, now the final bastion for the Alliance. It's a key location, one set for defending Claude from grounded enemies as he takes flight in short bursts to take out their aerial forces. He will be key for directing their reinforcements, whenever they arrive, and so she must protect him for as long as she is able.

Hilda thinks about what this means.

"As long as she is able" was a definition that would mean "near immediately" in her academy days, where she would give a token effort and then sweet-talk whoever was most recipient to a cute girl into doing her job for her. She built a reputation, nearly a whole lifestyle, out of this method. She knew which of her classmates would help her without question, which would roll their eyes and have a coinflip chance of walking away, and which would make her do her own work, sometimes standing guard to make sure she didn't weasel out of it. Sure, she did favours toward friends and could be convinced to put effort in, but the majority of her time went to finding ways to avoid work and be perceived as a cute, if useless, young lady. 

Things have changed, now. Even without the war, she knows - knew even then - that it wouldn't last forever, that she would have to take some responsibility for herself someday. Of course, the continent being immersed in war helped nothing, forcing her to change her habits sooner than she had wanted to. (She still uses her old ways around her friends, gives a touch of normalcy to what can feel like the end of the world, and honestly Hilda can't tell if it brings more comfort to them or to herself.)

Now, "as long as she is able" can mean two things. It can be "as long as she can fight", or it can be "as long as she draws breath". Now, Hilda has to choose which, and consider if she is ready to die if it means Claude can live another day.

She already knows which one Claude expects her to choose. Despite his pretense of aloof nonchalance, anyone who knows him knows that he despises sacrifice, that he strives to protect those under his wing as much as he can. It's an idealism that would have easily shattered him in war, but between his schemes and his practical mind knowing when a pawn needs to be exchanged for a queen he still holds firm. The fact that he's trusting Hilda with such a vital position tells her that he trusts in both her strength and in her surrender once overrun, that she'll stay alive no matter what happens.

She tries picturing the other option, the one where even bloody and pained, she stands strong against the waves until she is worn down, as steadily and inexorably as a cliff before the tide. One where the world goes dark, as it has in previous battles she has been downed in, and never returns. The thought makes her tremble. She still has things she wants, people she wants to live with - her family and friends flash through her mind, her father, Holst, Marianne, so many more - and then she thinks of Claude, shot down from his wyvern, torn apart by the Empire as its jaws close on Derdriu. 

He holds a dream she's not even sure he knows he let slip with the way his eyes always turn eastwards and out, with how he speaks of unity, of cooperation, of understanding between people. Hilda doesn't know the details, but doesn't need to to see how strongly the dream lives in him, how it shines and attracts others to its light. She thinks of this brilliant dream dragged to the ground, trampled in the relentless march of conquest. 

Hilda finds she _wants_ to know, wants to confirm what she's suspected for a long time, wants to hear it from Claude himself and help bring such a shining thing to life, brighter than any trinket she can make herself. It's with this realisation that she finally rises and leaves the council room.

Tomorrow, as the Empire crashes against the Derdriu docks, Hilda will stand guard at the furthest pier. She will destroy any who come near her, until the bodies pile up and become a barrier themselves to block the path. Until her relic axe shatters and their healer is spent, and then they will have to pry the bloodied handle from her cold hands and uproot her from her guarded position because she will fight tooth and nail, fight like she has never fought before, fight not like her life depends on it but because Claude's does. 

The thought still terrifies her. The fear that her efforts will be for naught, that she could be struck down before reaching her limits, that he will still die despite it all and the Alliance be lost, but it's worth it. For the chance that fighting just that bit more will allow those miraculous reinforcements to appear and reach them. For the chance that Claude lives another day and continues to attract more to his light, like Hilda had inevitably been. For the chance that that brilliant dream will shine brighter than any star, and illuminate the world.

**Author's Note:**

> was thinking about Claude being so shocked when Hilda doesn't retreat when defeated at Derdiu and wrote my first ever (complete) fic from the hurt. I love both of them so much... claude not expecting such dedication from his friends but getting it anyway... hilda finding something worth fully committing to, despite the fear of failure and disappointment that plagues her...
> 
> could be either Azure Moon or Crimson Flower, so it's completely down to chance whether they live or not :)
> 
> thanks to rab for always listening to me talk about the alliance kids, being subjected to extremely specific crossovers and checking over the fic for me


End file.
